Gee, it's nice to hear from you too...
Unless you have family members that have worked for the railroad, no one really understands what it's like for you & your family when it comes to your SO's work schedule, and attitude outside of work. I'm lucky because my father, my aunt and a few other relatives have been employed with a railroad in the past, so they know how it goes. My husband's family on the other hand...not so much.
We used to get a lot of unhappy phone calls from his parents saying that we never call enough, that they never get to see him on Skype, or that a lot of other family members are upset that we don't keep communication going on. I fully admit we were guilty of that, and learned that I had to be the family representative because my husband just wasn't going to do it. I would say it wasn't because he didn't want to talk to his family, but that's kind of how it is. For him, his day is spent constantly on the phone and his computer. Up at the crack of dawn to check emails, send out reports and do his conference calls. Then the rest of the day it's a continual cycle of the same conference calls, meetings, dealings with his crew, emergencies, etc. Plus he also drives around the entire Sea-Tac area to visit the terminals that he helps overlook. When he comes home, he wants nothing to do with technology. And it's the same on the weekends; he just wants to relax, get stuff done around the house and spend time with his family. Before we even dated he had the same issues with family getting angry at him for not getting back to them in a timely manner. That's when he was just working three-on/three-off and going from days to nights every other week. The schedules throw every single person off in your family. It doesn't just affect them, it affects you & your children as well. It wasn't until his parents came out during a week he didn't have vacation, that they fully understood the pressure he was under with this job.
I'm not sure how it has been for you and your family dealing with the craziness of the railroad life, but that's how it has been for us. We don't get much of that anymore from his mom & dad, but there are still others on his side that don't get it. Now, also understand we don't completely ignore everyone. We are just a little late when it comes to getting around to phone calls, or sending out gifts/cards. These days I am learning to plan ahead of time and actually be punctual when it comes to getting our greetings. But as in any other family home, things ultimately slip your mind and you end up behind regardless. Railroad life + parenthood = disaster on your brain cells.
I also remind them that we don't have the luxury of having him home or talk to when he need him either. My husband still hasn't set foot in MJ's preschool, and probably never will. He never got the chance to see him play soccer during the summer, and sometimes he doesn't even make it home for dinner OR bedtime. That's why -our time- is very important to us, because we don't have him around very often as well.
Growing up with two parents that were workaholics had both its ups and downs. While I only saw my parents on the weekends, I spent my weeks with my grandparents...which I am so very,very,very thankful for. I love them with every inch of my being, and was blessed to have had them guide me through most of my life. But growing up I never had a relationship with either my mom or dad, actually...I really didn't until I had my own kids. They never made it to any school activities or functions, when they were home they were always tired and cranky. I felt left out because my mom never did my hair, never packed a lunch. I never wanted it to be that way for my children. I feel very fortunate that my husbands job allows me to stay at home to take care of our boys, so at least one of us can be there for them. We try very, very hard to keep their lives as normal as possible.
Every job comes with it's hang-ups. Whatever your family does to make it work, stick with it. Don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty for making it work. Since moving to Seattle, our life has been changed dramatically. It's a whole new ballgame. I can't lie, it has been tough on our marriage, but we keep our lines of communication open all the time because it's what pulls us through. If it means having to put other people outside of our home to the side, well, sadly it's going to be that way. Our family first, always. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to explain, it won't matter.
People will always take it personally until they are in your shoes.
