This is my husband...Totally.

Friendships and the Railroad

     One of the hardest things about being married to the railroad is finding/maintaining friendships before & after you move. I depended on my husband for conversation, but it just wasn't the same as having another mom around to understand the daily frustrations of not only kids, but life as a mom in general. Not to mention his moods after work, he didn't really feel like talking about baby food or having to deal with my emotions all the time, which is understandable. 

     I pretty much thought that I could just make friends with some of the wives & families that my husband works with and be okay. But I really craved a lot more than just their company. It's not that they weren't friendly or fun to hang out with, it's just....you can only take so much train talk. Plus sometimes their kids aren't the same age, or they don't have any kids at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get outside of the RR Wife realm and wanting to meet new people. But how do you do it? I'm not a shy person, but for some reason when it comes to meeting new people...I freeze up. Especially when we just moved somewhere and I have no idea what is going on or where to go. That problem was solved after I ran into one of our neighbors at a local park in MN. She told me about MOPS, a group that she helped manage that met at a local church every month. They would make brunch, then have speakers or other activities for mom's to take part in, and the best part....the kids came too. Only they would go to various classrooms and do crafts, or have reading/play time. So it was a chance for a mom to talk with other mom's about the stresses of being a mom to kids that are preschool age or younger. I loved it. When a few mom's found out that we wouldn't be having a traditional family Thanksgiving, they invited our family over to their homes for dinner. If something came up such a a tragedy, or a new baby arrival...these women banded together to make meals for families to help them out. Last spring we made gift bags for Military moms. I just felt...at home. I met so many wonderful women and my children made amazing friends. Play dates were planned, so were dinners and nights out for us whether it be bowling or just going to a cafe to have coffee and talk. Plus, if you move, you can locate another MOPS group in the new city you are going to. My new MOPS group starts this Wednesday, but we have been to every summer play date so I was able to make friends quickly. They are very accommodating, and make you feel like you have been a part of the group forever, which is what i really love. 

      For more information, or to find a local MOPS group, click here!

Through MOPS I also found a club for my boys, well...at least MJ since he is 4. It is a Church program, but the children do a lot of crafts and activities that really help them not only grow, but make new friends. Awana is a really great program for kids starting at age 2-6. MJ loves Cubbies. Plus I met a bunch of other parents through this program as well. 

Some other sites to help you out:

 Red Tricycle gives you loads of activities for your kids that are near to you or the biggest city near you. I have found it's easier to make friends through activities you do with your kids. 

Moms Meetup helps you locate other groups in your area that allow you to meet up and join moms & their kids for activities. 

If you are married or dating someone on the RR and you don't have children but want to make friends, I have found through other railroad connections that joining a gym, or taking an exercise class helps find people to hang out with too. Libraries, coffee shops, sports leagues, or maybe a class like learning how to sew or cook. Take a chance at trying something new, it rewards you in more ways than one. That way even if you have trouble making friends, you have something to fall back on to keep you busy. I've always wanted to learn how to crochet. I know in the last town we lived in, the local schools had programs that taught beginners how to knit. And as always, talk to your husband/boyfriend about getting his co-workers families together. I know BNSF does a lot of family days where they have picnics or go to baseball games. I've met two other wives through that and we have play dates every so often. It's always good to have RR wives around just to have that same connection with the RR Life. 

 The biggest thing is, you have to put yourself out there, which I understand is really tough sometimes, but once you do you are golden. Trust me. The only downfall to it is that you leave amazing people behind as you go, but you always have them as friends. My entire MOPS group from MN is on my Facebook friends list. I still talk to them on the daily. 

I hope this was of some help. I just know how frustrating it is for many of us to get out there and meet people, especially when you have children. I really, really, really highly recommend MOPS. It was the best decision I ever made to join that group. Good luck and as always, if you have any questions, contact me or ask to post on the FB wall to get others to chime in with their suggestions.